Surely you have had many of those in your lifetime and you wonder what new can you learn here? You would be partially right to think that. And I am also here to tell you that there is more to that.
A while ago, I was listening to the podcast of Brené Brown and her guests brothers Jay and Mark Duplass. As I listened to this intriguing discussion on the Power of the Paradox, one of the paradoxes they talked about was honest and truly deep conversation. And there it hit me. I had two conversations with a close friend in a short amount of time. Discussion on an important subject. The first exchange went really well and was a really uplifting one and the other was went sour. So could it be that the reason why my first discussion went so well was because we were walking next to each other ? And the other one went also sour because we were facing each other in a challenging talk ? Let me explain.
From early on, we are being taught that by facing each other and looking into each other’s eyes, truth and honesty will be communicated. That, when looking into people’s eyes, one finds it difficult to lie and that the body language always reveals a liar. The reality though is a little more complex. There is a lot of truth and depth in looking at someone and someone’s eyes during discussion. At the same time, in some situations, e.g. facing difficult conversations and sharing uncomfortable opinion some people get into a fight or flight reaction and fear telling the truth into your face. They might fear hurting you or simply just pronouncing loudly what they really want to say, fearing rejection or punishment.
There is another way. How about not facing each other but sitting, standing or walking side by side. I am not sure how much scientific research has been done into this, but experience shows that this way people feel less confrontational and threatened and consequently more apt to be authentic and truthful and communicate easier even what would normally feel a daunting task when being face to face.
So next time, when face to face conversation is not yielding results, try walking out the conversation next to each other and see how this shifts the dynamics of the conversation.
Have you ever tried it?
What has been your experience with difficult conversations ?
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