My toxic boss

A toxic boss can literally be your nightmare.  Would you agree? Your boss/superior should be someone that supports, guides and empowers you, is an inspiration,  simply has your back. In your toxic reality however,  you are experiencing some degree of bullying, microaggressions, impossible “man-made” deadlines, micromanagement, even public shaming or  passive aggressive behaviour. This person makes your life miserable, doesn’t trust you, questions your integrity  and doesn’t  give constructive feedback. Sometimes you can’t even put the finger on it such small and systematic are these toxic episodes. All this is  slowly bringing you down and  you start to question the whole reason for being in that place? 

There are  different toxicities of bosses: the actively toxic  person to passively complicit boss, toxic bosses in denial that seem to be some of the most destructive  ones.  “Toxic bosses in denial refuse to acknowledge their own behavior. Those exhibiting blame will point to the infractions of others in an attempt to minimize their own failures.”₁. One thing is for sure. There is no toxic boss without a toxic culture.  There are those and they are in minority, who acknowledge their wrongdoings and are coachable ( passively complicit bosses). The majority however will never change and should be removed, but we know that in many (most ?) cases, this never happens. You rightly ask why? Lost of reasons that are linked to systems and management, but what solutions are there for you? Here are a few questions that  might help you to see  things from a  different perceptive and give yourself a few more choices. Most important to realise is that your toxic boss is not your fault.   

1, Can you do your job effectively and to a degree of satisfaction without the interaction with this toxic boss? Great, no need to turn your life around. 

2, Can see you what is at the core of the toxic boss behavior? Toxicity is a result of a lack of confidence, incompetence or communication issues.  Would it be helpful to imagine your boss as e.g. a person who is suffering ? This will definitely not solve your situation and should not excuse your boss’ actions however, a shift in your perspective might offer you more understanding and acceptance?   

3,  Have you asked  your boss if you can support her/him in any way? Can this change  your situation?  

4, Have you shared your concern with HR department ? Have others complained too?What is their reading  of the situation? Is there a chance of improvement ? 

6, Consider the longer term ambitions you have for your job? Is this a transitory post or are in for a long haul?  Depending on what is your ambition in the team and with this supervisor, you may need to decide whether you stay on working in this environment and find a best way to adapt and work through this or whether  it would be better for you to leave especially if the prospect of your boss  being removed is slim to none. 

No matter what you do, make sure you have consulted enough and that you are not blaming yourself for someone else’s failures.

1, _{Timothy R.Clark; Forbes, March 2, 2021,}